QX Magazine (UK) (+18 only)
Issue 663 - November 14, 2007 Darren Hayes: Me Myself and I
By Haydon Bridge

(Click on the images to see the larger full sized version)
(Thanks to Hails for he scans)
  

  

(In case you can't read the article from the scan's, I've also typed it up...)

He's a multi-million selling artist who’s had ups, downs, a wife and a husband. Darren Hayes talks about all this (and being pursued by bears) to Haydon Bridge…

WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE about sweet-voiced Aussie Darren Hayes? The ex-Savage Garden singer came out in the coolest way possible, by announcing on his website that he'd just married his boyfriend, animator Richard Cullen.
He makes 80's-style electropop for gay thirtysomethings not unlike his charming self. After 12 years in the business, he’s happier than ever. But his life's been far from a joyride. He calls his childhood "ten years of fear," During his Savage Garden days he realized that his marriage to female make-up artist Colby Taylor was a mistake. His weird second solo album, The Tension and the Spark, led to a split with his label. But a session in therapy worked and now he’s on a world tour promoting his fab third solo album, This Delicate Thing We’ve Made. “My music is an acquired taste,” he maintains. We’ve acquired the taste, Darren!

Haydon Bridge: Where you calling from?
Darren Hayes: I'm in Los Angeles about to launch a four-week tour.

When are you coming home and is home in Notting Hill?
It is and I miss it. I've been away for two months already. My partner, Richard, just flew home from here yesterday and he called me up. He’s in our house with our dog. I love Christmas and I love how cold it gets there, but by the time I get home for Christmas it will be three months since I've seen the house.

Can we talk about the ups and the downs in your life?
Sure.

Your childhood wasn't that happy.
No, not at all. All the artists I admire, from John Lennon to Madonna, had issues about the way they grew up. I had an alcoholic and violent father and ten years of fear. My survival mechanism was that I imagined myself being a superstar, being a superhero on stage, and that's the thing that got me into the business.

The first time I saw you, you were promoting Savage Garden’s first single, 'I Want You'. At that time you were married to a woman.
For sure. My sexuality was like my childhood in that both things were shameful. Growing up in Brisbane, which is quite a tough town – it's not unlike any Midlands town in the UK – there weren't gay people, they just didn't exist. So the feelings and thoughts that I had were unspeakable and I managed to deny them.

But were you straight at the time I saw you?
I don't think I've ever been straight. When people ask me how I could have married a woman, it was because I had hope, I had dreams of what I thought was a normal life. I wanted to create this sense of family, the things I didn't have growing up. So I absolutely had a girlfriend and I absolutely fell in love. My relationship was really innocent, really pure, between two people who were still developing. I met her when I was 20 and I was not unlike many gay men who have female best friends. We just mistook our affection for love.

Were you aware at the time what was happening?
Of course I wasn't aware. We're talking growing up. I mean I'm 36 next year and I love getting older. You understand yourself more and forgive yourself more. I had very painful periods in my life after I divorced. I was suicidal. My coming out and the eventual meeting with Richard, accepting myself, did not come without a price. It was a terrible struggle actually.

How did you get over your suicidal period?
By talking about it. The best thing I ever did was go and see a psychologist. The thing that I realised was that most of my unhappiness was based on shame, and I know that lot of gay men related to that feeling. I knew that I was gay and I didn't want to be. It was a sort of internalised homophobia. I hated myself. How could I come out and fall in love with someone when I didnt even love myself? So that took years.

You came out in a really subtle, low-key way.
The idea was that maybe I'd have an interview on television or with a magazine. I knew that Richard was about to become a permanent part of my life and I didn't want my audience to find out by accident. So when I finished a tour, I blogged about it. I literally pressed "send" on my laptop in an airport lounge, then got on a plane. It was a flight from Asia back to London and I had no idea what the fallout would be. I had a bit of a cry of relief, and stepped off the plane into the future, not knowing what the future would be.

The US music biz can be homophobic. Is that how you found it?
I found the opposite and this is because of the way that I came out. They are intrigued by me because I'm unfazed by my sexuality. I turn up on their doorsteps, openly gay, without having been arrested in a toilet, or having someone in the media blackmail me. Coming out for me was a choice, as I think it should be for everybody, and I think that they're intrigued that someone should choose to be gay. Of course it would be so much easier to have a fake girlfriend. It's actually very easy to pretend to be straight, but I've always been very strongly against that. I also think it's completely a violation to out people. There's a deep psychological process that has to go on. Coming out is terrifying. It doesn't matter who you are. But I actually think it's given me almost a second act in my career. I've been in the business for twelve years and in some respects my career should have been over.

How do you think your music's changed between then, when you were living a lie, and now, when you’re completely open?
I don’t think I’ve ever lived a lie because I've always lived my life with integrity. In fact I came out to my family and to my wife's family without ever having kissed a boy. That would have been in 1998. I was risking everything but I wanted to tell the truth. I stood before both those families and said, you know, "This is who I am." That takes balls. I've always lived my life with that kind of courage and I think that shows in my music. It's no secret that when my sound started to change, it ruffled feathers at Sony. Before that, I was a cash cow. I used to write smash hit love songs, ones that people got married to. I did that because I wanted to, not because anyone told me to. I think I'm lucky that I've been able to grow up and my music has changed.

Is it true you made your new album with a Fairlight synthesizer you bought on e-Bay?
True. The Fairlight really was the sound of Kate Bush’s [1985] album Hounds of Love. I wanted to find a device that would allow me to go back in time, not super-sonically, but emotionally. I wanted to find this relic that made the records that I loved as a child, but use that relic in a modern way. I think there's only about six in the world. I was searching on e-Bay for about three years and I found someone in Oxford who had one.

Who's your audience now?
I think it's fair to say that my audience tends to be people of my age, people who have an appreciated for the history of electronic, music, so that's people who were in to early Eurythmics and Kate Bush. I’ve had a real surge of gay fans. I have a very well-dressed audience. But I'm staring to get a mini bear following. I have a little bit of facial hair and I tend to get these gruff men who've discovered me and decided they like my music. I've seen this audience grow and my gay fans hanging out with housewives who I owe my living to, these women who, bless them, have been with me throughout everything and still really support me. I just think I'm very lucky.

'Me, Myself & I', the second single from This Delicate Thing We've Made, is out now on Powdered Sugar.

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